|Cleveland Prayer Group Website|
The Strange Strategy of God
My Journey- Part V
by Susan Eapen, Bangalore
I came home in a rage and dialed the father who had taken confession
on the previous day. I told him about my brother and quoted what the
father had said. I asked him why the Father had said so. He said,
nothing is impossible if we have "Vishwasam and Vishudhi" I asked him
"When Lazurus was called back from the dead, was it too late? Who had
the Viswasam, neither Martha nor Mary believed it possible as is
evident from the verses and Lazarus was dead."
He was silent. Then he said God has asked me to come and see your
brother. I felt an immense release. Now it was all in the hands of God.
I told my mother about it and the achen asking me to fast. She told me
not to do anything foolish and to take care of my health first.
Suddenly without volition, I said "So far, I have tried to live
without God. Now I have decided and I can only go forward."
Next I wanted my family also to come for confession and qurbana. My
sons were too young to have any opinion but my husband, who agreed
first, withdrew at the last moment. He said, "You go if you want, I will not
come." I told him that without him, I would not go any further. I told him,
I gave 20 years of my life to you exclusively. I always belonged to God, if
I give up now, it is my death." I was weeping. (All of us belong to God as
a matter of fact.) He was upset by my tears and
they came. But even now, he does not really feel the way I do because,
I think, he is too much taken up by the externals as I was - the fights
and corruption he sees in church puts him off as he equates the
worship with the men who participate/lead.)
Next day, I was really anxious. I started with prabhaatha praarthana
from the nombu book, doing the prostration at the prayer corner of my
room where I kept a candle and a picture of Jesus which was my
companion and friend since college. (The first Monday of the Great
Lent-2001) I wondered if I could fast as I get severe headaches when
I do not eat in time (Sugar drop). However, I started the day without
the morning tea and breakfast and was sweeping the dining room. My
mind was in turmoil, thinking and worrying as a thousand voices
Suddenly I realized that there was another voice - somewhere deep
within, behind all the clamor. It was speaking without speech, it was
not loud, but it was insistent until it caught my attention. It was
like the drip of water from leaves into the still lake and it reminded me
"Viswasamaam padakil yaathra cheyyumpol,
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