|Cleveland Prayer Group Website|
The Strange Strategy of God
My Journey- Part VII
by Susan Eapen, Bangalore
This is the concluding post. I do not know how it strikes you, but it is a painful experience to bare my weaknesses before others. Perhaps you will think me mad. But I hope it would benefit at least one person to 'come and see', as I came. I rejoined my job after 2 years but thought I should quit and pray all the time, but the achen at Bangalore gently guided me and turned me away from my impetuous decision. I can serve man and God wherever I am. He too supported me through the dark days and encouraged me to trust in God's goodness. These are private things, I do not even know if I do right in disclosing them. But I just wanted to say that misfortunes are not evil times, but times when mercy abounds, when we are prompted to seek His face. Even evil cannot stand against God's purposes. I want to say that observing the Church's methods, especially the great Lent in its true spirit, with contrition and zeal, leads one forward spiritually. A Good Friday alone is not enough. Once, when I thought that God must be displeased with me, I was standing in the church silent and empty. The father was giving the bread and wine and I was standing there as I had come late. I had done something which made me realize that my vow-my life is yours - I could not keep and that I felt that God would never again give me the grace to feel `the sense of the presence of God'. Suddenly something beamed on me - I can only call it a beam of love – like a beam of light - from the Holy Altar. My heart moved out of me and went homing in on that love and I could see all around. I cannot describe that experience. It is another experience that has not been repeated, but I have the belief now and I want to say Krubenmaarude Therathupole Sthiram Ee Madbaha, Swargathin Senakal undathine Chuttikkondu." I know that however despicable I am, still God loves me. I want to say that. I know that somehow, I have a part to play in every evil in the world, we are all responsible and we must pray without ceasing. I know that often, we who stand attentive and humble before our CEO, are negligent and reluctant before the altar on Sundays. Me too and I am not sure how far my family shares my feeling. I want to say that too. I do not know how you would take these. Perhaps as the words of a hysterical female, but these experiences changed my life and taught me to rely entirely on God. He has never failed me and I know that everything works for good. Another statement. I know that our faith is sufficient and we need not go anywhere else. God is everywhere and the Church nurtures us as a mother does, to make us realize and know and trust His love and see signs of His presence everywhere. I have nothing more to say, except that I love God and our Church and all of you. May God Bless us all
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